Tomorrow Will Be Better...
Hello everyone, it's been a while since I have been on, the black dog has been biting my ass a bit so I have not been motivated to write, only to create some art. I had a couple of dark days so I channeled these moods into my art and set the bad vibes free, in other words, I let them loose on the world in a good way! There is blood though so if you're squeamish then look away and scroll!
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This work relates to fallen friendships and the lies we tell ourselves about who we are, who they are, and who we are together, one on one and as a group. It's all about cutting away at the things which are part of us that aren't good for us and how it's a painful process, but one which makes us more human.
This work was inspired because I lost a whole group of friends last year, no one was kind enough to just let me know what was going on AKA "ripping the band-aid off", I was slowly frozen out with the whole "I'll let you know when I'm free..." crap, then nothing for a couple of months. And although it was horrible at the time it also gave me that push to learn more about myself and encouraged me to set up some boundaries and decide that there were things which I would no longer tolerate in any more of my friendships. I realized the problem was just I was too cruizy. I saw a lot of things that I didn't care to speak up about at the time as I felt I had no business saying anything - not my circus, not my monkeys. They had habits I wasn't part of and had no interest in. I gave second chances which weren't deserved. Looking back I just didn't fit in, I didn't want to be alone, but I wasn't choosing the right people to spend my time with. I was spending time with broken people, maybe because I was a little broken too. So after grieving the loss and realizing what I thought I had wasn't real in the first place, that it had been an exercise in self destruction and deception, I began to fix myself. I no longer smoke, I no longer drink, I no longer swear like a sailor, every day I spend an hour lifting weights and working out on the cross-trainer, I tell myself I am doing well and that I deserve to do well and the universe has kindly responded. There were a couple of bumps along the way as there were a couple of people who looked like they may be a good fit but in the end weren't what I was looking for, I kept going and it wasn't long until I made friends with a wonderful, soulful group of "G-rated" ladies who have really helped me to heal when I was in a place I thought there was no coming back from and they restored my faith in people. So right now I feel like I am finally back on the path and am slowly but surely getting to know myself again, I'm getting to know the good parts of me and am no longer allowing myself to be intimate with the darkness anymore. And I leave you with a quote...
"When the past comes knocking don't answer, it has nothing new to say."